it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
by xporcelain
Summary: Crack!Fic — Threesomes, ex-rivals in the back room, and weird solutions—  what's not to love?


**disclaimer:** THIS IS CLEAR PROOF I DON'T OWN.  
><strong>notes:<strong> er. hello. how do you do. i will warn you now- if you read this, don't come bitching to me about how you wasted a minute of your life looking at this thing. SERIOUSLY. i only wrote this because we (you wanna know who _we_ is, don't you? yeah. you do) had so much fun talking about it. HEED THE WARNING BELOW, CHILDREN.

**it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood~**

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><p><strong>Warning:<strong> CRACK ALERT! Some sexual references. Yaoi & Yuri. I think. THIS WAS WRITTEN ON A WHIM.

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><p> /

It all started with the Alcohol.

Because it always started with the alcohol.

Then it proceeded with Natsu, Gray, and Loke (opening the gate yourself was _so_ convenient) sitting at Fairy Tail's bar and moping.

"The other day Mira locked me and Lucy _in the closet_-"

"Juvia just can't take a _no_-"

"_Why_ wont Lucy accept me-"

They all cut off, blinked at eachother, and came to a conclusion-

"Females suck."

And then the shots started coming. And coming. And _coming_. And everyone started noticing that the three boys were actually a bunch of lightweights. And said three boys started noticing things about eachother. Like how Natsu may have been the only man alive to rock pink hair and still be badass. Or how Loke should wear his glasses less, cause his eyes were _preetty_. Or how Gray's stripping problem...

_Really_ wasn't a problem.

One thing led to another, and in the end, it all resulted in Lucy walking into her apartment that night and screaming bloody murder.

/ /

"I can't believe you guys!"

"We're sorry!"

"You did... _that_... in my apartment!"

"We already said we're sorry! We've got killer hangovers- isn't that enough?"

"No, it's not! If you're all gay, who am I suppossed to date!"

"We aren't gay! We're just... barsexual."

"Oh my god, Loke, shut up! Gah, I'll solve this myself..."

/ /

Natsu was horrified.

No, really.

He was considering jumping off the top of the guild house.

Because apparently, Lucy's idea of solving, was making out with his childhood bestfriend.

"What the hell is going on!" He shrieked, gaping at the sight infront of him.

Lisanna and Lucy.

Cuddling.

And doing other things that he will not name.

Lucy looked over at him, raising a brow with a lazy smirk on her face. "Problem?"

"Hell yes there's a problem! You guys are suppossed to be fighting over me! Not... this!" He flapped his hands towards them dramatically. Lucy just rolled her eyes.

"You ditched me for two men. What the hell did you expect- me to try to turn you straight again?"

"Well..." He trailed off, then looked at Lisanna pleadingly. "What about you? I thought you loved me- childhood marriage, remember!"

Lisanna shrugged. "I got over that. All I'm saying is, in Edolas, Edo-Natsu wasn't interesting enough, and me and Lucy Ashley got along _very_ well."

Lucy grinned. "Aw, even in a different dimension, we were together. Now, let's blow this joint- I think my apartment is empty."

"Ou~ gimme some of 'dat suga' crisp."

Natsu then hit the floor with a loud _smack_.

From the other side of the room, Erza sat at the bar, Mirajane beside her.

"So, your little sister's a lesbian..."

"Apparently..."

"... Want to go have sex in the back room?"

"_Yes_."

As the pair got up to walk away, Fried suddenly burst infront of them, eyes wide in horror.

"No! This can't happen! MiFri is practically cannon!"

Sadly, in his mini rant, he failed to notice the two walk around him.

"Go visit Jellal in prison or something," Erza called over her shoulder, already exquipping into something too provocative to describe.

"_WHO THE HELL IS JELLAL_."

From the guild enterence, Cana stared in shock. Clearing her throat, she slowly began to walk backwards.

"I'm just gonna leave, and come back when there's less weird shit."

/ /

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><p><strong>endnotes:<strong> HOLY SWEET JESUS that was fun.  
><strong>endnotes2:<strong> I did not create MiFri. And some of these lines aren't mine. SEE, THIS CRACK IS COMPLETELY MY FAULT.


End file.
